Reintegration. It's tough, crummy, romantic, frustrating, exciting, yet truly indescribale. It's one of those experiences that can't be fully understood until actually going through but nothing I would ever wish upon anyone. I don't think it's talked about enough. The excitement of a soldier coming home is well noted, PTSD and other issues soldiers have is defintely a topic of conversation on the rise (but still not enough being done in my opinion) but what about reintegration. You know, what happens after a soldier returns to his family after nearly 15 months away.
Imagine leading a completely seperate life from your husband/wife for 15 months. Having to step up and be the daddy and the mommy- be the only comforter, teacher, disciplinarian. Don't forget about the husband duties- yardwork, taking out the trash, maintaining vehicles, handling the "manly" housework (patching holes, painting, etc). Add to that being pregnant, crazy hormones, post partum depression, fatigue and you have a look in to my life over the past year or so. I've changed. I had to. I was forced to be a stronger person than I ever thought possible, physically and emotionally. I needed to be more independant than ever too. I don't know enough about Mike's experience to be able to tell you what he went through, but imagine spending every waking hour of your day, a minimum of 18 hours, on high alert. Always loooking out for people trying to shoot you, blow you up, interfere with peace-keeping missions. At the very least, Mike has undergone a complete physiological change because of the high stress environment he's lived in. His living conditions have been very different, so has his food, clothes, expenses, etc. Throw us together and we've got a whole heap of something to deal with. Reintegration is not something we can prepare for. There's not an Army Regulation telling Mike what he needs to do or a spouses handbook recommending to me the proper etiquette during this time. We're just thrown together, left to work things out on our own. We can certainly learn from our past experiences but don't want to dwell on those so we can start fresh this time around. We can have the best intentions but neither of us knows what's going to trigger an outburst or complete meltdown in one another. We just have to figure out how to be married again, but not to the same person that stood before us in that cute Vegas Chapel nearly 7 years ago. How do we get through this? How do we try and move forward when we don't even know with whom we're moving in that direction?
Another tough thing about reintegration is that there is no time limit to this phase. For some, maybe just a few weeks and for others, months-many months. It seems that before, we had just started to make progress then it was time to send Mike away again. So how can we possibly know what's in store for us this time? We can't. Just as there isn't any writings as to how to get through this, there isn't a time limit on this phase of our lives.
So now what? Well, we just try our best to move on, to take one day at a time. To enjoy the good times and work through the bad. To practice forgiveness, pray without ceasing, be patient and empathetic. It's a time to ask our families and friends for prayers and to know that this isn't something you can easily understand, so just love on us and send us your blessings and well wishes. This is when we need to lean on God and fully trust Him to walk with us, to recognize that He will not leave us in our moments of need. This is a momentous time in our marriage: for us to be able to come together, to rely on each other, to remember who we fell in love with and find that person in each other, to love the person that we've each become.
Every morning brings the promise of a fresh start, the chance to forgive the hurt, embrace the love, cherish the happy moments, and make memories. Our days are very powerful, even in the most mundane tasks, because we are relearning how to be husband and wife and a family, learning what it means to be whole. We reach out to our family and friends and ask for you to stand with us, in your thoughts, prayers, and words.
I know God is forever molding us into His children and so I must continue to trust that all that comes our way in every new day is a chance to be more like Him. If we experience all we do so that we can be who He has called us to be, then it's worth it.
2 comments:
I understand a little bit, having spent an extended period of time away from my husband. I know it's not the same, and is certainly not on the magnitude of your lives in the last 15 months and the circumstances were very different - neither of our responsibilities were so great and neither of us had our lives on the line every moment - but it gives me some more insight into how to pray for you guys in this time, which I certainly am. Love you.
Thanks Sarah! I definitely appreciate your understanding of what we've been through and your prayers!
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