Still Stepping

I'm moving in a forward direction. Sometimes I feel like I'm playing "Mother May I": taking a baby step forward, giant step back, super leap forward.... But, I feel like the end result of this "game" is forward momentum.

Personally, I have made some progress in my attempts to find my place in our new home/community. I am becoming very involved in our FRG, taking on a co-leader position, forcing myself to meet new people and give myself the chance to enjoy being here. I feel like I am finding balance with the lady on the other side of the wall and having more conversations with the ladies in the next house over. I am feeling more content with where I am on so many levels, but I know this is just the beginning. I feel empowered; I drew my line in the sand and am firmly standing on it.

I don't think I really knew where that line was, until it was crossed. I had enough, the anger had become too much. He was quickly approaching my invisible line.... then he crossed it. I had a phone call to make; one I knew I was entitled to, but never wanted to actually do it. I wanted him to seek help because he wanted to, not because he was commanded to. But, because he crossed the line, because I stood up for myself, Mike will be getting help. This just doesn't seem so hopeless anymore.

I know the weeks to follow could be very uncomfortable. I know there are a lot of truths to be acknowledged and a lot of change to be had, but I finally feel like we can, and will, get through all of this. No one ever said this was going to be easy nor did anyone bother preparing me for the reality of wars hellish impact on my husband. But, we will make it through this battle.

There is so much left unsaid, so much yet to come. Might we have progress interrupted by another 12 months of fire-fights, or could progress be more important war? It's not up to us to decide how to fix the broken soldier, it's up to us to take the steps forward and trust we'll always have ground beneath our feet or wings to soar if we lose our footing.